


the chaos of longing

by Capitalester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1960s, Angst, Character Death, Fluff, Ghosts, M/M, Original Character(s), Satanism, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-06-24 03:57:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19715758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capitalester/pseuds/Capitalester
Summary: A boy came back to his hometown after being missing for years.





	1. zero

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This book will contain  
> -loads of blood  
> -satanism  
> -death  
> -graphic violence  
> -smut  
> -grammatical and spelling errors as this book hasn't been betaed i'm really sorry
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a fully fictional story. Dan and Phil have nothing to do with this!

☆.。.：*。.：*・゜☆.。.：*・゜☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

whoever makes you feel light

inside the darkest part

of your soul

is the one you should

never let go.

— _Haley MacLeod_

_☆.。.：☆.。.：*・゜.。.：*・゜☆ﾟ.*･｡_


	2. one

February. 1961

"Phil!"

Phil Lester was walking down the street alone in the gloomy moonlight with his hands in his jeans pockets, getting lost in his own thoughts, until he heard a familiar voice calling his name from afar. He stopped in his track, turning around and unknowingly, a tiny smile crept across his face.

Of course it was _Dan_ , Phil could now see a small figure in a white sweatshirt and light blue jeans, running toward him.

"Phil!"

The night air was freezing but fresh, and it smelled like rain and forest. Phil ran his fingers through his slick black hair, waiting for Dan to catch up.

"Hey," Phil called from where he was standing, the smile on his face widened. With a red and puffy face, and wavy brown locks looking messy and adorable, Dan finally stopped in front of Phil, panting.

"Where did you go?" Dan asked, bending forward slightly, hands on the knees. His breath was still shaky. "I've been looking for you."

Phil laughed lightly. "Sorry buddy, just walking around."

"I'm not gonna forgive you," Dan faked a pout and crossed his arms. When he didn't get any reaction from Phil other than a single shrug, he just huffed and lightly grabbed Phil's hands to lace their fingers together and started walking ahead without looking back, ignoring his fast beating heart from the buzzy feeling on his fingertips.

But of course Phil Lester was a having none of that and Dan hated him for it.

"Well," Phil smirked but still letting himself being pulled by the boy. "What are you doing?" He pretended to pull his hands away, but Dan just gripped them tighter, not letting go.

"It's dark here, I don't like it." Dan tried to sound nonchalant, but the corner of his mouth still curved up to a little smile.

"You're fifteen, cutie, grow up." Phil joked.

"No! I don't want to be old like you."

"Twenty's not that old."

"Yes, it is." Dan replied. They kept walking side by side in silence, still holding hands, both smiling softly.

.

"I'm helping Mrs.Carter at the orphanage tomorrow," Sitting on the wooden kitchen counter, Dan watchedPhil making a chicken sandwich for him. "Come with me?"

It was quite late, almost ten o'clock; they had just arrived at Phil's house. Tonight was the board game night, they were behind schedule but Dan insisted nothing was more important than food.

"Nah, got a plan tomorrow." Phil replied as he still focused on chopping a tomato. "Charlotte asked me to help her to...build something? a wardrobe? something like that."

"But I want your company!" Dan whined, and Phil turned his head.

"Don't be like this," Phil chuckled, poking Dan's rosy chubby cheeks lightly. "You do this every time you couldn't get what you want."

The boy sitting on the counter just kicked Phil in the side, and Phil gave him a look that meant 'no whining'. Dan blinked his big, round eyes for Phil to see, he knew Phil couldn't maintain a straight face too long when it came to his pleading puppy eyes and pouting lips. Phil would always give in, and Dan would get what he wanted every time.

Only this time, he was wrong. Phil just turned back and continued to make the sandwich.

"C'mon Danny, next time? Her brother's too sick, she needs me." The slightly frustrated man tried to reason while grilling chicken. "I'm helping out our neighbors, y'know."

"You don't ever know them, maybe it's a scheme! I've only seen Leo like, two times since they moved here," Dan frowned. "And he always looks so..."

"I know, but it's fine, no big deal, yeah?" Phil finished making the sandwich and then tore it in half. He handed Dan the bigger half; then he shoved the other in his mouth and walked out of the kitchen, wiping his greasy fingers on his black jeans on the way.

"Fine! I get to choose what we're watching though! And it's gonna be Winnie's cooking show!" Dan yelled in the now empty kitchen. He hopped off the counter, trailing behind Phil into the lounge, half of the chicken sandwich in his hand.

.

It was almost two in the morning when Dan finally felt sleepy. A comedy movie that he wasn't paying attention to still flickering on the small TV. Scrabble was scattered all over the wooden floor.

Under the dimly lit yellow light, he was laying on the soft beige sofa with Phil, who had already drifted off during the first ten minutes of the cooking show.

Dan hasn't had a sleepover with Phil for a long time, he always has to wait until his parents were out of town, because they apparently didn't like the idea of their teenage son spending time with a twenty years old man. Even though their sleepovers were fairly innocent.

Dan looked over the sleeping man a few feet away from himself, secretly studying the face features he adored so much. _Gorgeous,_ He thought. _especially his cheekbones, and his eyelashes, and his stubble..._ Dan smiled sheepishly; then he lay back and closed his eyes, thinking about when he finished the works tomorrow at the orphanage, he would buy some flour and milk so he and Phil could bake some cupcakes together after dinner.


	3. two

The time working in the orphanage passed so fast and now, Dan was standing in Phil's doorway alone, waiting. The key given by Phil was forgotten in his own bedroom. 

Dan had left the orphanage thirty minutes ago before he went to the market then stopped at Phil's. The sky had gradually turned from golden amber to dark, dark blue; it was five in the afternoon and _why is Phil so god damn late_. 

The spring air was still too icy. He blew on his hands and rubbed them together, trying to stay warm. There were only small sounds of rustling bushes and the howl of the wind. Dan stared at the things he was holding onto firmly, feeling his eyelids became heavier. 

He thought about walking around to find Phil, but those baking stuff in his hand were too heavy and he was so tired he didn't want to move a single muscle. 

After waiting for another twenty minutes, Dan lost his patience and all his energy but Phil was still nowhere to be seen. Phil you asshole. With tears slightly blurring his vision, Dan glanced over at the house one last time and slowly, slowly walked back home. 

. 

_"That poor boy."_

Dan heard his mother said with a broken voice through the front door of their house. He stopped in his tracks, a hand remained gripping the door handle tightly. 

_"Charlotte must be devastated."_ His father replied quietly. 

Dan opened the old wooden door, walking into the house with a bag of flour and a carton of milk; then slowly closing it with his foot. His parents sitting on the couch, both turned around and stared at him shockingly. "Daniel!" 

"Hey...What's wrong?"Dan asked hesitantly. He could see the tears in their eyes. 

"I thought you were staying late to help Mrs.Carter?"His mother asked. 

_Shit._

"Eh, she said she can handle it. "He muttered awkwardly. "And I bought milk...yeah..." 

"Oh, Daniel" His mother was obviously not paying attention to his reply. She wiped a few tears off her cheeks. 

"Have you heard the news about Leo?"

.

_Leo Morris_. The ill, weak boy. Probably not even older than 18. Dirty blonde hair and heavy bags under his emotionless, pale grey eyes, unlike Charlotte's clear, sparkling blue-ish grey. 

Leo's illness, no one had ever dared to bring it up to Charlotte ever since the twins moved to the small town. 

Everyone knew Leo was very sick. But they never knew why, or how, and they never knew what it was. What could possibly make a boy look so gone, so destroyed? 

Dan staggered up the stairs to his own bedroom, worn out. It had been a long day. 

_"They found Leo's body in a well...the abandoned one, across from Phil Lester's house."_

Dan kept thinking about those words, feeling chills ran down his spine, the same feeling when he walked back home from Phil's house earlier. 

_"Oh Leo..."_

He really needed to see Phil because he couldn't stop his brain wandering to some scary places. It was driving him crazy, crazy, crazy... 

_"... so young, such a sweetheart."_

He walked into his bedroom and lay on the soft, white mattress, staring at the gray ceiling. 

_"His head was missing..."_

He could still hear his mother crying and his father mumbling downstairs. The sound muffled by the slightly peeling painted wall. 

_"Such a poor soul. He'll never find peace."_

Dan reached out to his bedside table and opened the top drawer, fishing out an old, small photo album. 

_"You haven't seen Lester in some time, right?"_

_"Stay away from him, Daniel."_

_"I don't know, the officers couldn't find him. They couldn't find Charlotte either."_

"Phil, where are you?" Dan mumbled quietly. He took a deep breath and sat up to open the album. It's was full of photos of them two. They were so blurry and old, he almost didn't notice the little changes. And then he saw them. 

Those shining bright blue eyes belonged to Phil, were one by one, slowly turning into blank black hollows.


	4. three

The local government announced that 36 hours after the murder, if the investigation still hadn't gotten any progression, the policemen would have the permission to break into the Lester residence.

Dan waited till the last minute, hoping his friend would show up, but time seemed to fly. He let his eyes wander over the assembled crowd outside of the house. They were whispering. They were waiting for an answer. A boy was brutally murdered and two people went missing simultaneously. _Was it really safe to live in this neighborhood?_

From where Dan was standing, through the windows, he could see the officers were hasty, rummaging around in that familiar space with a displeased expression.

Dan felt so on edge. He hated the gossiping people, he worried about his best friend and he really wanted to help the investigation. But of course, he was forced to wait outside just like everyone else, not even allowed to get near the searching area, as if it wasn't bad enough being suffocated by this sea of bodies right now. he had always hated crowded places.

_"Did they seal the well?"_

_"Yeah, yesterday I think."_

Dan was going to explode if he stayed any longer, but he knew he couldn't leave, not when there was a chance that something important was still in the house waiting to be found.

.

The boy who graduated from medical school at the age of nineteen. Phil had been that one person people always talked about since he moved to this town.

A year later, besides his good reputation, people had truly grown to love and respect Phil; he was cheerful, patient, considerate, basically a people pleaser, if you ask Dan.

And people looked up to Phil. He would've had a bright future ahead of him if he stayed where he came from: better education, better job, bigger opportunity to be successful... but he'd chosen to move to this small, old town alone; he'd brought modern medication to this place, instead of pursuing a career in a big city.

Almost a year ago, on a warm Sunday morning, lying under the oak tree outside of the orphanage, softly, Dan had asked him.

"Why did you move here?" And the one simple reply had made Dan huff loudly and turn his head to glare at Phil, who leaned against the tree, looking down at Dan with the most innocent expression ever.

"I don't know."

"Liar."

"Dan. Just shut up and enjoy your damn birthday!" Phil joked, reaching behind his back; his blue eyes sparkling with excitement. "And look at this freaking incredible gift I bought for you!"

They'd only known each other for about three months at that time, but they had clicked so well that everyone thought they'd known each other since forever.

"Oh my God!" Dan gasped, sitting up immediately. He had the biggest smile on his face, showing the adorable dimple on his rosy cheeks, and it made fireworks burst in Phil's chest.

 _"A Midsummer Night's Dream_...I love it..." Dan had been on the edge of tears, and when he'd open the book, there was a white daisy tucked in in the first page like a bookmark.

Dan had ugly cried, hugging his best friend tightly.

.

Half an hour later, the officers were still searching. Thankfully the crowd was almost gone, left only about ten people, most of them were engaged in their own conversation, not caring about what was happening anymore.

It was mostly quiet, but still, occasionally, someone else's murmuring would seep through Dan's ear.

"Spare me," Dan mumbled. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a tall, hench man with black hair and beard suddenly flinched violently. _Mr. Carter_. The pastor in the local church. Dan glanced up at him then looked back quickly, not wanting to attract the man's attention.

He failed.

"Hey, kid?" Dan knee what was coming, but the voice still startled him. Too late, he'd seen him, Dan groaned silently. _No small talk please, not now._

"Uh," Dan raised his head and frowned, trying to look annoyed at Mr. Carter, but the man didn't seem to notice, in fact, he looked like he was going to pass out.

"I-I uh, Daniel right? I need to ask you, I mean," Mr. Carter's grip on the Bible tightened, and Dan saw a thin layer of sweat forming on the pastor's forehead. Dan just stared at him, weirded out and not knowing what to do. Mr. Carter continued anyway. "I'm sure Phil would be fine, he's a wonderful young man...a great person," he smiled, but it looked forced. "But, pray for him, won't you? I know you boys are close."

Dan still hadn't said anything, so the man just gently patted him on the shoulder then walked away.

It was so dead quiet when Mr. Carter left, or Dan wouldn't have heard the pastor mumbled _'Dear God, please help Phil Lester.'_

.

"Do you believe in ghosts, Dan?" He remembered one time Phil'd asked him.

"No?" Dan had chuckled at the random question. In Phil's living room, lying on the beige sofa, he had been playing with the pressed daisy bookmark mindlessly. The book had been thrown aside and forgotten.

"You know what, I do." Phil had said determinedly at the other side of the room, sorting through medications most likely for the kids in the orphanage.

"You're a doctor, Phil Lester, you're not supposed to think they're real."

"Well, I've told you, I know a lot of things that are like, supernatural stuff... Also, I'm a psychic, admit it."

"No."

.

In the blink of an eye, the searching was done. Dan just stood there, watching the search team walk out of the front door of Phil's house swiftly, eyes looking forward, not sparing a glance at Dan's direction.


	5. four

Dan and Phil. They'd first met at the orphanage. 

The two stories building was old, with ugly brown stains on the wall and rotted wooden stairs that would make noises when you step on them.

Dan had been told Mrs. Carter couldn't stay late to take care of the kids, and no one else had been free, so Dan had filled in for her.

The kids in the orphanage loved Dan; they loved watching him play the piano, they loved baking with him, sometimes Dan would teach them to fly kites in the small backyard, and they absolutely loved that. They loved doing literally everything with Dan, and he was the only one besides Mrs. Carter that really enjoyed spending time with them.

The day Dan and Phil met, it had been a normal Sunday morning. The kids had finished their breakfast early so they were currently 'acting some Shakespeare' in the carpet area. Dan insisted to be a classy guy and they loved it too.

"Why do you get to be Juliet?"

Dan had heard a stranger asked casually from the doorway, despite the fact that he was still in the middle of acting a crying scene, he put down his hands that were currently covering his face and turned to look at the stranger. 

A man was walking toward them, really tall, looked kinda fit too.

Dan just stared at him blankly.

"Because Daniel is much prettier than me, Phil."

The 8 years old who played the dead male protagonist replied cheerily. 

"That's not true Maggie! We always draw lots to decide!" Dan added hastily with burning cheeks. "I mean, Romeo, aren't you supposed to be dead!"

"Phil, go away!" A boy with red hair had stood up and tried to push Phil away playfully.

"Rude, Jamie." Phil smiled then stepped away.

The play continued and the heartbreaking plot had made everyone cry. Dan held Maggie’s small body tightly like the love of his life really died in his arms. They were so lost in the acting, it was not until it ended did they notice that Phil had already left.

.

Dan walked back home from the investigation area, defeated. It was two in the afternoon, there was sunlight, but he still felt cold. 

He just had time to lock the front door then put the keys in his pocket, about to go upstairs to his room. But then he heard some low voice talking outside of the door followed by a loud knock.

"Police, is anybody home?"

Another two knock.

Dan stood there for another five seconds trying to process what is happening then finally, he slowly, slowly opened the door. It was the three officers he'd seen at Phil's house.

"Good afternoon, I'm officer Walters. Is Daniel Howell here?" One of the officers with short blond hair asked while adjusting his watch.

"Eh, that's me."

The officers blinked, they looked shocked for a second then hid it immediately.

"You're much younger than we thought, Mr. Howell. How old are you?"

"Fifteen?"

"Where are your parents?"

"Both at work, they run a restaurant down the street."

"Ok, Mr. Howell. We need a discussion on Morris and Lester's missing cases, please come with us to the police station."

That didn't sound like a question. Dan stepped out of the house, intimidated.

.

Five minutes later Dan sat in the interrogation room. There was a redhead officer silently writing down something on the paper on the wall.

He wrapped his arms around himself, the violent white light was giving him a headache.

"Mr. Howell," The officer said upon sitting down across from him. "Do you know why you're here?"

Dan stared at the frightening man in front of him for a long time then muttered the only answer he knew under his breath. "Phil."

"Yes, Are you aware of the fact that Philip Lester and Charlotte Morris went missing at the same time as the murder of Leo Morris happened?"

Dan couldn't help but smiled a little. _Philip_ sounded so weird.

The officers narrowed his brows and Dan cleared his throat, "Yes. I don’t know about Charlotte Morris, but I can promise you, sir, that Phil could never be a murderer. You know Phil."

"I do." The officer pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

_Phil could never do such things... because Dan knew his best friend..._

Phil Lester would only bring joy and light to this world.

He remembered one time on Halloween, he and the kids had planned to jump out of a bush to scare Phil. It did scare the shit out of him, but Phil had also dropped his cup on the ground and made Mr.Carter's tulip garden smelled like coffee for two days; he remembered another time he'd burned his finger while making scrambled eggs in Phil's kitchen, and when Phil tried to remove the pan to check on his injury, Phil burned his finger just like the way he did, they'd laughed so hard. 

Recalling those memories, Dan smiled to himself.

"Mr. Howell."

"Huh? What? Sorry."

"I said, what kind of relationship do you have with the Morris twins? What do you know about them?" The officer looked through some files on the desk.

"Not much," Dan replied.

"Please be more specific," The officer clicked his pen, but Dan couldn't think of anything, he thought he must look confused because when the officer raised his head to look at Dan, he just nodded then asked the next question.

"Do you recall anything they've done that might be seen as an abnormal behavior?"

 _Oh That!_ The question brought one memory back to him so fast he uncontrollably burst out. "Yes! Yes! I do! A few months ago on Christmas I saw Char- "

"Please slow down, Mr. Howell. Could you ple-"

The officer didn’t get to finish his sentence, some loud shouting outside startled them both. Then there was a voice from the speakers on the table. "Robertson! Emergency!" Dan could hear the panic in that officer's voice.

"What?" Officer Roberson answered irritatedly.

"We just got a report that the Morris' house is on fire!"


End file.
